my dog Benny would totally send me this text, if he had a phone…and opposable thumbs
if i’m not getting one, the dawg sure as hell isn’t getting one - and the fingerprint scanner is waaaaaay too creepy #conspiracytheorist #theydontneedmyfingerprint! #iPhone5s
Every day we are told that things happen for a reason. Well, mostly when bad things happen are we told this. “It’s all part of a greater plan.” , ”When G*d closes a door, s/he opens a window.” or, my personal fav (because I say this often) “The Universe has something better for you.” Yeah, all variations of this concept have been said and memed (sp?) to the Nth degree. And in those moments, we struggle to believe it. We sometimes actually resist believing this because in those moments, our hearts and minds can’t fathom something better.
This was me last year. Yes, I was doubting the Universe/G*d. I had gone through a hard break up, and I didn’t believe that “something better” would come my way. My ex had said “it is better this way”. I actually convinced myself that it wasn’t better this way, that I wouldn’t be able to continue on with my life without this person. I felt like I had become unlovable, undate-able (sp?), unworthy. I believed this for quite a long time. During this time, my friends were very understanding and supportive. My best friend, who I live with, was a rock for me, and I am very grateful for her. She, along with another best friend, helped me through a very dark time. And during this dark time, I started to re-evaluate my life, my personal issues, my attitudes towards self. I put myself into therapy. This was a turning point - I was being proactive. I was taking charge, and responsibility, for me.
Once I started therapy, I noticed that I was becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I started to resolve my abandonment issues, starting with me being adopted. I forgave my birth parents, I understood their actions, and how that I wasn’t “abandoned”. I confronted my triggers. Now, I’m not saying I’m completely healed, but by the beginning of this year, I was starting to feel lighter in my heart and better about me.
And then I lost my job. But this was a blessing!!!! I had disliked my job for quite a while, and found it to be a source of anxiety (although I adored my coworkers and I miss them every day). After taking a couple of months to basically bugger off and do nothing, a new opportunity was dropped into my lap. I started to do something that I had loved doing in the past but due to the desire to eat and pay rent, I stopped doing. I got back into doing graphic design work for my best friend’s new company. This brought more light back into my life, my spirit. Even though I was on EI, I felt more productive and happier than I had felt in a long time. My friends noticed a huge change in my attitude and my energy.
I have been riding on this high for a few months now. Everything seemed to be in an amazing place. I would say to my friends, “I’m actually super happy and even though I’m single, it’s all good! I am perfectly content with not finding anyone to share my life with. I am working on me.” And I truly believed it. I was happy in my independent state. Side note: When I announced this to one of my closest friends, she smiled at me and said “Dude, I’m happy for you but you have to know that you are going to meet someone that will totally change your world. I believe this with every fibre of my being, and you will be amazed.” I took in her words, thanked her, told her I loved her, and yet held fast to the resolve that I was happy with where I was and that this single life would be mine for a quite a long while.
*I can hear the wheels turning as you read this and you know where this is going, now don’t you ;)*
Yup, the Universe, in it’s infinite wisdom, looked down at me and said “You think you are happy now…well try this!” In an unexpected, and brilliant way, I met the person who has knocked my heart for a loop. This random encounter was like out of a movie. You know that, “you see a stranger across a crowded room, meet, and BANG electricity everywhere” kind of deal? Well guess what? IT REALLY FUCKING EXISTS!!! Now, I know some of you are doubting this, that I’m just waxing poetic, but let me tell you, this is just like that scene in West Side Story, where Tony and Maria met for the first time. What, you don’t know the reference? OMG ok, here it is: http://youtu.be/FXNZFe63brY
See how every one kinda falls away in the background? Yup, that happened to me. And it keeps happening. Every time we are together, the world falls away, and I can only see her. My heart, mind, and soul have never been happier.
So, what am I trying to say in all this. Well, just that things do happen for a reason. And even though this reason is not clear, to keep the faith, as hard as it is. The Universe/G*d never gives you more than you can handle, even though it feels like you have had more than your fair share.
Oh, and to thank my ex for leaving me. You were right, it was for the best. Because you left, I made changes in me that were for me, not for anyone else. And for that, I’m grateful to you, and wish you all the luck and love in the world.
Now, I’m off to have the greatest adventure of my life.
Love and light to you all. <3