So, one of the (few) advantages of being off sick, is getting to catch up on fav tv shows (all 10 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy, 2 seasons of Downton Abbey, OITNB, and House of Cards all done in a few short months), and to watch movies that we have wanted to see for a while. Today’s selection was Blue is the Warmest Color (now streaming, surprisingly, on Netflix).
I warn you that this may, or may not, contain spoilers. And blue language (Ha! See what I did there?)
What can you say about a coming of age/coming out story that has been told before? Not very much. Is there youthful doubt? Yes. Is there protestation of the main characters potential sexuality? Yes. Are there cute interactions between the potential lovers? Yes. Is there a gentle, trepidatious, romantic foray into a first time intimate encounter between our heroines? OH HELL NO! They are like acrobats with Cirque du Soliel! I mean, seriously, the sex scenes are passionate, yes, but it’s like the director grabbed a copy of a Guide to Great Lesbian Sex manual and said, “Ok, now let’s try page 56 - lesbians do this during their first time right? Right? Anyone?”. Of course we do, heterosexual director guy, we do all these things and then fall asleep, post 69, with our faces in each others yummy bits. No holding, no afterglowy snuggles and kisses, no crying and saying “I’ve never felt this way…. ever…” *sidenote - this does happen later, but by then you kind of don’t really care*. Nope, we just fall asleep right where we finished. Excuse me for over sharing, but my first time engaging in the Sapphic arts was waaaaaay more nerve-wracking and fumbling than this. I mean, how does the main character just automatically know EXACTLY what to do to make her partner scream and moan like that? Did she google a sh*t ton of “how to” Instructables in the ways of lesbian lovemaking? THEY DON’T F*CKING COMMUNICATE THROUGH THE ENTIRE SCENE!!!!
And don’t get me started on the reverse cowboy scissoring….(um, seriously, is this a thing? Or is this only in Europe?)
What is also disappointing is the lack of character development of Adele. It’s almost like this movie is a casino, where you have no idea what time it is, how long you’ve been there, and the fear that you may never, ever leave (cue Hotel California). She goes from 15 to what, 22 in like an hour, but her character’s emotional development is still stuck as the wide-eyed teen at the beginning of the movie. And by this point (SPOILER ALERT), Adele slips into the madness of lesbian heartbreak. And it’s a long heartbreak - like, Twilight: New Moon, long (all that was missing was the seasons changing while Adele looks maudlin). Wait, you haven’t seen Twilight: New Moon??? Ugh, here is the scene I’m referring to: http://youtu.be/g4gEFZ0TJ8o (the scary thing is, about this scene in Twilight, is how many f*cking pages in the book this takes…I haven’t read the books, but I heard it was like 10 - 20 pages long. How many ways can you say “Bella is sad”???) Anyway, I digress… now where was I… Oh yes, the heartbreak! You do kind of feel sad for Adele, but because there really hasn’t been any emotional growth whatsoever, you kind of just say “aw, poor little lamb” and want the movie to move on. Don’t get me wrong, I am very empathetic and I know what it’s like to do something stupid to the one you love, but I just don’t feel very much for her character, at all. And there is all this ambiguity, which I understand does happen when you are younger, but the director keeps tossing the “is she gay, or isn’t she?” hat around way to much - to the point of being really f*cking annoying.
Did I also mention that the color Blue is in every, single f*cking scene. Symbolism and color theory is not lost on us, director guy, but thanks for showing us the complete f*cking obvious reference to the title of your movie as often as you possible could. (another side note – Blue is the Warmest Color is the English title. The original title is Adèle: Chapters 1 & 2 - rather boring compared to the English version.
All that being said, it was ok. Did it deserve to win all these awards, and praise from the press? Maybe, but my partner may have said it best when the movie was over: “Well, there went 3 hours of my life that I will never get back.”
Watch it for yourself, my lovelies, and let me know what you think.
Now, what the heck are we going to watch next….